am i a meow?

she told me to think of something to talk about. anything.
what a funny thing to do, i thought. pre-meditate in speaking.
then i began to wrap my head around that big blue ball we call Earth and i searched.
binary, of course, 0s and 1s only please. it looked something like this in my head:
[000110100101110001010011].
after staring at that number for a time i can't explain (it came in spurts, can't be quantified by a line of time streaming by, obviously), i came upon a topic. a great one. something that i've picked at and eaten small bites at a time but never fully tasted. who ever decided that grapes should be small, anyhow? a grape the size of an apple, now that's what i'm talking about. anyhow, right.

that topic. maybe...mmm....say...life? i've solved its mystery, so read on.
the one that i live, the one that you live, the collective life of us all...that kind of life.
although cinnamon creates quite the tasty treat, it just doesn't hold as many mysteries as this fated dream i walk through.
[you may have the misconception that i meant 'faded,' but alas, no. faded, my dreams are not, nor is my life, however fated i see them in front of me, they surely do not blur around the edges. no need for inconspicuous days, here, no need]

back to life. aaaah. the ever elusive, bouncing, singing, glorified, touch the sky, life.
or for some...the dragging, tortuous blanket of time of which they cannot find a way out, day in, day out, and soforth.
life is crazy. really, it is. the word only exists, the idea only exists within us, because of the definition itself. neat, really, if you put your mind to it. she asked: does the cat know that it is a cat? and to that i say...does the cat speak our language in which we determine the word cat and it's textbook, 3-lined definition?

the answer, my good sirs and madams, is NO!
why of course not, but.
i heed to wonder, and i pause without err...

do we know that we are a meow? why. no, of course not, because we can only be defined within the context of ourselves and our likenesses. case settled. life ch.1.


more life to come...

my command of words isn't what it once was
my teeth clench too tight
my eyes divert too quickly
my head pushed toward the ground
this stream i've created for you sometimes runs dry
and when what i need most
is rain
only sunshine shows her face.

fate hope and shiny things

it's amazing how a portrayal of a real life, in real time, is boring to us. we want drama, we want laughs, tears, immortality. we don't have that. this place is precious. we are precious. do you know? do you know that you are here? that it is highly likely that you never would have been chosen to step foot in your front yard, hug your mother, sleep in new sheets?

we are far too expecting. we expect to be here, to have a warranted, no-strings-attached stay... because we are here. that is it. we are here. i was chosen. you were chosen. a few billion people out of how many genetic possibilities? do you wonder? do you wonder why you were chosen?
is this a vacation for you? a stay in paradise where nothing worries you but the timeclock at work and the heel you couldn't glue into place? or possibly the leather that the goddamn forsaken rain ruined last week.
[it was $300 brand new. i hope you cried about it, or maybe you were just angry at the world for the worst day ever.]
i know that my speak is self-rightous and my head hitting four walls at once, but i would like to try to make one thing clear to you.

you have a purpose. a reason. you were created, you were a brain-child, you are a masterpiece. you. you in your hands. hold something that nobody else in past present or future existence has etc ever held. if our uniqueness is not to be highlighted, should we be drones? possibly. i would surely have jumped by now if in those means, however.
i'd like to chat with you about this.
sit down over coffee, black, unstirred, unmarred by chemicals' reach.
i'd like to sit down and ask you why you are special. why you were chosen.
i know what you would answer.
'i don't know. how should i know?'
possibly an irritated 'who cares?' would suffice for your purposes. wait. i musn't use the word purpose so freely from here on. perhaps a capitalized Purpose would more easily set your focus to its meaning?
perhaps.

your Purpose.
i will spell it out for you the best i know how. which is in my own way. my own time. within my own context of life, beauty, and some mystical blend of the two. pyroxene. in case you wonder. two cleaves at 90 degrees. H=5. luster..vitreous. this may be scornspeak to you or more simply, wtfayta?
somebody discovered it. somebody solved its mystery. something simple. look it up to see more detail.
tape. transluscent. non-toxic. reusable. $.99. somebody thought it would advance our ways. it has, and is simply a member of our desktop conglomeration now. but he toiled. and cursed. and tried and tried and sweated it out until he could pick up the phone, dial 3m's 800 number and say 'i've done it!' and Purpose was served. wounds temporarily healed. birthday's made to magic porportions, windows held fast through stormy nights.
a hug. the hug. that changed a life. not by chance, either, do not be so sure. a hug and a very sincere 'it will be alright.' the two acts combined. saved a life who was to take her own and her family's too. she never heard those words, felt those arms, from them. filthy bastards. a Purpose was passed, however. a Purpose was utilized by one, implanted into another, and lifes lived. the life. that life. initiated the treaty between two nations which would trade food for goods. and pay it forward played hardfast in too many lives before it's screentime. Purpose. is contageous.
find something beautiful outside. pick it up. is it a red leaf? a penny? something so simple yet so immistakably complex and impossible. so intricate as to have affected humankind in a salvatious sense for all time.
our time is our time. this Earth, it's finiteness, is controlled by the balance in which the people it so graciously houses sustain. our Purpose. is defined long before you think of it now. your Purpose is special. i want to know about it. i want to hear about it. no. this is not a belief statement or ms. davis' two sentence thesis on how you plan to save the world. it's you. who you are. how you are. who and how is simply a product of Why in full. this circulation of love, passion, triumph, failure, respect, perserverance. it is the middlemost link in the chain which will someday explain the grand Purpose. we are always. the middlemost link in our own lives, whose life becomes that link for a group, a family, a community. this microcosm expands to leave us with existence. our time here. this Earth. all of humanity inhaling and exhaling to keep each other standing upright, working hard to just stay alive and with health and heart. we are that link. you are, in essence, that link.
make your Purpose part of you. make it something you see when you wake up. something you smile about. realize. believe. that we are all here. as chosen. as creative. as irreplacable people.