that game

it.
it's like that crying game.
that cursing game.
that fighting game that lying game.
that fucking game that everything game.
that game that won't ever end it keeps us going it keeps us going.
no. no. no. not that game i spoke of in the last turn of life, not that fork's lead i mistook.
the real game. here and now. then and the will be. our game.


it can't end. we'd end.
as humans, we need that game. that play. that fuck you fuck me let's just fuck with each other.
it's a mindfuck. constantly. a universe full of trickery and manipulation.
a day with uncalled-for deception and tight-mouthed praise.

it's ok, though. there exists no other reason for us all than that of the play. it's true, really, it is.
we are not here to live, to breathe, to exist, to think-- we are not here to be.
we are here to win. through ourselves. through another. through the controller of the game--
the us that is universal. that radiates as hidden, heatless, senseless energy.

we all play. good bad evil right righteous - we do it all. masters of our own lies. all of us. we live for it. in it.
we are both the creaters and the slaves to our game, and i love it.
it.
keeps.
us all going.

food is the power, heart is the soul, mind is the master -- keep playing, folks, it's bound to get interesting for all of us sooner than later.

the Earth's game might be nearer it's checkmate ...

maybe we should invite bobby fischer to play ...
[he's stopped playing ... we're all doomed]

Student Stabbed Outside Baker Tower - News

Student Stabbed Outside Baker Tower - News

This doesn't happen here.

valentines day 2k6

ahhhhh
what a lovely day
and the nice people
and the red steeple

the kisses
straight and queer
the glances
far and near

ahhhhh
what a lovely day
and the warm sun
and the day's fun

--------------------------

the day almost as real as the preceeding passage
royaled and robbed of all dignity like trousers
one can live without, i've heard from many in past weeks

stock up on cards and flowers, folks, cuz it's time for americans
to show their hearts
so that we can all understand in a substantially increased real manner
that those hearts are so absent
so much of the time

does red symbolize our hearts? or heartache?
love? war? hate?
why in fuck's name do we still all buy into it? i supposed it's something
to do with enjoying attention, the hilarity of elementary school valentines, and
that opportunity to out yourself to the secret someone.

no. we all believe it to be a real day. filled with love and chocolate.
which is crap. for most people, that is.
it wouldn't be, and i wouldn't be bitter about it,
if we'd learn to show the same love and attention the other 364.

the phoenix and the turtle

[.....//
-----
Beauty, truth, and rarity.
Grace in all simplicity,
Here enclos'd in cinders lie.

Death is now the phoenix' nest;
And the turtle's loyal breast
To eternity doth rest,

Leaving no posterity:--
'Twas not their infirmity,
It was married chastity.

Truth may seem, but cannot be:
Beauty brag, but 'tis not she;
Truth and beauty buried be.

To this urn let those repair
That are either true or fair;
For these dead birds sigh a prayer. ]

William Shakespeare

somewhere up there

i'm floating, i think.

i don't know if i'll be coming down for awhile. maybe it's this newfound me that has propelled me into this state, for the first time in a not-soon-to-be-regretted sort of state.

that smile that comes to my face when unprovoked through the senses is the best thing in the world.
i hope that everybody has been doing that for lifetimes and it just took me a few longer. it's a genuine smile, too, not one that is fleeting and boring after it's over. it lasts. and i like it.

i may feel like shit in body right now, but it can't penetrate this person i've become like it once could.

thank happiness for that.

pride or prejudice?

can't have one without the other. fair trade if you ask me. more later.

the binge ends.

the binge stops here. after a smoke, a drink, and some thoughts.

time to break down and do. stop being a waste of fresh air.

here we go.
i love meeting new people, doing new things, all that jazz.
however, i enjoy the simplicity of sticking with what you know and who you love.
that night in on friday with popcorn and some stupid movie. no worries.
i like the challenge of being out there, too, though. i guess it's a balance i can't quite equate.

it is possible that i'll look back on these years and say that i didn't get enough out of the opportunity with which i was presented, but i won't believe me.
i know now that everything i sacrifice for what i get is worth that getting.
all of it. pretty ugly and evil. i might be those three things. i think i am. at least right now.

sometimes i stay awake all night, heart racing uncomfortably, thinking about undone laundry, untold stories, and unhinged ideas. really every night. trying to train myself back into the comforts of myself at ease. that's a place i'm not too familiar with. but i enjoy it so very much.

i should go back there. it shouldn't take much work. i should stop thinking about it.

what does thinking do, anyhow, but cloud the emotions that are our base of being?
maybe too much thought for a 2am binge-ending manifesto. problems on elm street. which is every street.

sometimes i say fuck it

because there's nothing else to say.
because resources have been excercised.
because there has been no time in the set aside for fun.
maybe i require fun in order to function properly.


i suppose everybody should, in their own respect, require fun for functionality.
fun is what keeps us doing whatever it is we're doing, of course.

i get quite frustrated, however, when people forget that.
when they get so caught up in their scholastic life that no second is allowed for a mere hello. how are you.

i feel i try and give that to people.
i am sorry if i don't.
and i wish that you could give it, too.

reciprocation in friendship.
reciprocation in life.
these two things will never be fully realized, to be sure.